Saturday, July 31, 2010
I want the good old days back! The days when I didn't hurt, when I didn't need glasses, let alone bifocals, when I could run around bra-less without the "twins" hitting my belly-button....and I could exercise (wow, I said that!?)
I know...you are probably reading that chuckling, saying "don't we all?"
This past birthday hit me hard in so many different ways. Forty-five, which everyone warned me about...was a snap comepared to this one!
This year's birthday, wow, it was hard to even say it.
Remember how it felt when we were 29, and you just wanted to stay there? Saying "thirty" felt like it just hung there on the tongue, didn't it?
Yeah, well, it's that way for forty-six...it's the six part, 4 years away from 50- that gets me. Then you think "wow, 50, FIFTY- (insert panic here)there's so much I have yet to do!"
46 puts me in another age bracket when doing my beloved surveys too. And, added insult? I have noticed that now, when I click that little "46" button, a buzzer rings in cyberspace and I disqualified from many surveys. Hey, we have opinions too ya know!
Ok, the, onto thinking in my forty-six (not getting any easier to type yet either!) year old brain.
My daughter, my little baby girl, who hated to wear anything girly when she was little...will be twenty one. THAT is hard to type, let alone say! Twenty-one; legal drinking age, is now talking about going to casino's, while, when I look at her I sometimes see that little girl learning to walk and stomping her foot, saying "no!"
46...nope, not getting easier yet...Check back with me on that.
Meantime, my forty six year old has been rebeling too. Most of you know that I have been dealing with fibromyalgia. I am going through peri-menopause, and had the hysterectomy. Those aches and pains, although not accepted, I used to. I know what do for what pain, and also what not to do. I also know how much push or not push myself and I have always tried to encourage others that are going through through same, having gone through it myself.
Then I wake up to something else, like this double sciatica and think "nooooo"...and it doesn't go away. In this past month I also found out that I have a couple of bulging discs in my neck, and a couple in lower back and in finding that, they also found something that should have been found a LONG time ago called cognitive spinal stenosis-no wonder my back is revolting lately.
All in all, what this pertains to this post is that 46 years finally caught up to me and knocked me on my booty. Usually, we celebrate a birthday, have a little too much to drink, get wild and crazy like we did in younger years and pay for it for the next week.
This year, I turned 46, ahhh, it's gets easier to type...and paid for it the next week, but in a different way.
I did alot of reflection sort of the way a monk goes into silence.
At first, I felt mournful for my youth that has vanished seemingly overnight. As the week progressed , and I meditated more, while also trying to used to yet another medication, I looked over the forty six year(that time typing it was a breeze) journey I have taken so far and all the wisdom I have gained. I wouldn't trade that for anything.
I have gained friends, lessons, love, memories, spiritual wisdom, gratitude, wow, just so many things over all these years. Now, instead of looking at what I have lost over the years. I now see all that I have gained, and instead of being mournful of the loss of the flexibility of my body and the things I cannot do, I look forward to all the thing, instead, that I will learn and see that I can do.
There are alot of wmen that got started after 45- which I will be posting about in the future too...more then I thought there was.
It's all a matter of perspective, which will be my mantra for this year.
However- in light of ALL that...I have some giveaways lined up, just be patient. Ellie and I are pretty much going to keep the bash going, who needs a birthday? Birthdays should be all year anyway right? Just like Christmas- clelebrate it all year. I even have Thanksgiving dinner throughout the year- I am thankful all year, right?
Now, on with the show!
(Remember...be patient with your elders! Haha)